Leia
It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on one of my favorite memes from days of old (that’s also still going strong): People of Walmart.
Who are the people of Walmart?
Funny you should ask. According to the founders, The People Of Walmart blog was created in 2009 after its creators took a trip to a South Carolina Walmart and noticed a woman who “looked like a stripper” in a T-shirt that read “go f*** yourself” while accompanied by a two-year-old. Since then they’ve been bringing us the best of the worst that Walmart has to offer.
And It turns out, Walmart shoppers are still as unfortunate as ever.
Walmart is still where people don’t worry about looks or etiquette. Walmart is still where people are free. Walmart is still America, Jack! If you don’t like it, then… make sure you take your camera. There’s some pretty funny stuff going on there.
And if you’re ever wondering “how should I act in public?” then you’re probably one of those stuck-up Target shoppers.
From R-rated shoppers to full-on nude shoppers, and every trashy, weird, and obscene thing in-between, here are some of our “favorite” funny people of Walmart.
“No bag, thank you. I’ll wear it now.”
See if you can spot it…
Finally, a spoon big enough for the amount of cereal I eat.
Some people were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Others had to go out and work hard to get that spoon. First, we get the money. Then, we get the spoons. Then, we get a significant other who’s cool with us wearing a big spoon as jewelry.
I don’t know much about fashion per se, but I do know if you’re not Flavor Flav, you should think twice about wearing oversized household items as a necklace. I’m basing this on my normal clothing decisions, like wearing the same pair of jeans for a whole month without washing them. Anyway, you do you, buddy!
They found love in a hopeless place.
Some people are so codependent they can’t be out of each others’ arms for even a moment. Even when they’re shopping. It’s nice to see people who can get along this well, but there’s a difference between wanting to and needing to do something like this. I’m guessing it’s the latter.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they’re literally attached at the hip because of some botched surgery. Or maybe they don’t know each other at all. They met in the Walmart parking lot, and said “I want to get to know you for the next 30 minutes while I shop for a new lasso.” He is a cowboy after all. And they have everything there. I hope they had a nice time.
Never go to the grocery store hungry, they say.
Let the world know your two favorite things.
If a friend asked what three things I’d want on a deserted island, I would say “doughnuts, pizza, and my doughnut-and-pizza-themed clothes.” For me, wearing clothes with my favorite food on them is redundant. People can see my tired eyes, my gut, and my big beard. They know I’m a pizza lover already.
I only hope the person in this photo asked for help at the register finding more clothes that match his current outfit. The clerk probably ran to the back to find an ice cream hoodie and slippers that look like hotdogs. If not, then why even go shopping at Walmart? Go do anything else.
In the early days of COVID, masks were harder to come by, so some Walmart shoppers just improvised.
Wonder if he even realizes that he’s a super-spreader now?
Hear me out: What if Slenderman weren’t slender at all?
This person is in the electronics and video game aisle because he loves playing games. With your head! He loves walking right behind you. Amazingly, someone saw Large Slenderman and snapped a photo. I assume the person who took this photo is now dead. Unless they walked at a normal pace to getaway. Then, they probably made it safely out of the store without incident.
He is the best-dressed person in the store, though. There’s no denying it.
These emotional support animals are getting out of control.
Call me old fashioned, but I remember a time when people went shopping without a goat on their back. You left the goat at home to deal with your recycling. By the time you got home for the store, all your cans were gone, and you could celebrate by drinking all the beer you bought, and leaving the cans for the goat to eat the next day. Now, people are doing this:
The goat looks like it’s whispering to this woman what she missed from her shopping list. Even if the goat is helping you shop, maybe get a leash instead of a BabyBjörn. Otherwise, people are going to think you had a baby with a goat. It might be impossible, sure. But people will think it.
Ahoy, neckbeard. Hope he’s here to pick up some discount razors.
The sign does “say wear a mask” so technically you’re not wrong.
There’s a fine line between self-care and just giving up. And boy does she walk that line hard.
You look surprised we included you in this list. Oh, you always look surprised?
What if your emotional support animal is another person? Here’s a solution.
“I keep my man on a tight leash.” is not something I ever thought would be said literally. Clearly, this is consensual, but I hope one of the greeters at Walmart at least asked if that was the case. “Hi, just making sure you’re in some kind of sub/dom relationship, and not being held against your will. Thank you. Have a lovely day.”
I wonder if he’s housebroken or if they needed to clean up a few aisles after this couple walked through.
Happy? Check. Protected from a deadly virus? Not so much.
Walmart sells “duck crossing” signs for this exact situation.
If you’re wondering “what pet is right for me?” The answer is a “cat.” If you have to spend time thinking it through, you’re not ready for the struggle that is having a pet with a lot of upkeep. If, however, you’re sitting and thinking I want a “raccoon as a pet,” you might as well go out and get one. You love animals and it doesn’t matter what people think about your choice. I’m assuming that’s what happened with this woman and her pet duck…
Imagine this woman going up to a greeter and saying “do you allow pets in the store?” and then walking in with her duck. The saddest part? This photo is from a shopping trip for Christmas Eve Dinner. Traditionally, you eat duck that night. This lady is a complete quack. All right. We get it.
Wet hair, don’t care.
People who shop at Walmart don’t have time to wait until their hair is completely dry to continue with their day. They are movers and shakers. They have business to attend to. As you can see, this woman isn’t even taking the time to look where she’s going. She’s got deals to make, emails to answer, and, I’m guessing, a tanning booth appointment later. Her hair is the least of her worries.
The fashion at Walmart has no limits. You think it’s going to be a bunch of people wearing “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts, but then you go in and see hoodies that support everything from local high school football teams to local NFL teams. She genuinely looks like she’s having a nice day, and I hope this is how we all dress from now on.
Why not get married at the place that means the most to you?
You can buy her the diamond ring at Walmart. You can propose over the intercom. Why not have the most romantic day of your life in the store itself? The something blue is already there all over the signage. The old, the new are the TVs (some are opened), and the something borrowed is the money you charged on your Walmart credit card for the arch.
I would have never been this calm in a store as a kid. It’s very sweet that they did this for their parents. I wonder if they were bribed with a trip to the toy section if they were quiet for the ceremony. I also wonder if anyone grabbed a bag of rice and started throwing it. Walmart has everything you need for a flawless wedding!
The one that got away.
We’ve seen people on leashes. We’ve seen ducks on leashes. But this is the scariest of all: someone on a leash who clearly was abandoned or escaped. This is like a still from a horror movie. I’m worried she’ll turn around and be a vampire or, you know, super attractive. Then I’ll really have to do some thinking about judging the people in this store.
Maybe she still thinks someone is holding the leash? I wonder when she’ll realize she’s free.
“No bag, thank you. I’ll wear it now.”
I hope this was a purchase made in the store. Perhaps an impulse buy. Otherwise, a guy woke up and thought “I gotta let the world know that I love dolphins.” This photos is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen involving a porpoise, and I watched a documentary about a woman who had a romantic relationship with one.
Now that I’m looking at it again, if he never addressed the fact that he was wearing a dolphin on his head, it’s a really bit. Walking in, buying a saw, giving his credit card and saying “Flipper through the machine, please.” Yes. It’s good. Good job, Sir.
This person belongs at Hot Topic, not Walmart.
What exactly, is this person going for? A Christmas sweater, hipster jeans, and hair from a Tim Burton film. I’m afraid to leave the house without the right shoes on. I envy people who do not care what others think.
If Aerosmith put out a Christmas album, this is sorta what the Steven Tyler promotional cutout would look like in the store.
Should we call somebody about this?
I guess they probably didn’t put a warning on the plastic bags, so who can you blame for this, really? This woman seems a little forgetful. I only hope the kid eventually made it onto the belt, and the clerk had to ask what kind of vegetable was in the bag. It’s a person.
I hope this photo didn’t suck the air out of the room for you. We’re here to have fun. I’m sure that child is fine. By fine, I mean “still alive.” I don’t have any other information about how her life is going.
Sadly, that’s the monkey from the movie Outbreak (1995).
If we want to stop people from catching diseases from animals, we have to stop eating them. We also should probably stop keeping them as pets. This many is clearly comfortable with a monkey getting all up in his business. He’s also comfortable with letting his fellow patrons of the store get up close and personal with his monkey.
At least he put a diaper on him? That’s courteous. Another idea is that you could leave your pets at home while you’re out shopping. Especially if it’s a pet that’s capable of hurting other people. Or using tools. Or evolving into a species that will one day overtake human beings.
Who needs to buy a hammock, when the carts are free?
Taking a nap is difficult for me. There’s so much I have to get done on any given day. I have to walk my dog, I have to work, I have to shop for groceries. It never occurred to me, though, that I could do all of these and nap at the same time.
For some people, Walmart is a place that offers everything, including a little self-care. Why go all the way home before taking a siesta? Bring the whole family. Bring the pet duck. There are enough sleeping carts to go around.
In space, no one can hear you get COVID.
Social distancing hack!
Uhh, is that cat ok?
